• We went to the surgeon again today. I have to have more surgery. They will be doing basically the same surgery again but taking more tissue around the lump that he found during surgery and taking all the lymph nodes he can find. It should be outpatient surgery. Since I am having more surgery, I have not/will not start any chemo until 4-6 weeks after this surgery. No, I do not know the surgery date yet. Hopefully I will know tomorrow.

• I had my heart test Tuesday...haven't heard the results yet. Tried to do the MRI on Wednesday...it didn't work (of course I had to wait 1-1/2 hours before I found this out).

• I was pretty frustrated Tuesday and Wednesday. The way I first found out about needing more surgery was by dropping off some papers at the oncologists office after my heart test on Tuesday. As I was talking to the nurse, it dawned on her that she had heard it said that I was going to need more surgery. She had the oncologist speak with me. Apparently, the surgeons, oncologists, and other doctors have a round table discussion of those cases that aren't straight forward every Thursday morning. My case was brought up, and it was a consensus that I have more surgery. At least we didn't show up today expecting to have chemo only to be told I needed more surgery.

• I do need to have another ultrasound. I have to have it at Mercy because they want a certain doctor to be there and in charge of it. I am assuming it is one of the doctors that was in the round table discussion but I don't know for sure.

• I have been trying to get the ENT and cancer surgeon to coordinate so I could have my sinus surgery at the same time as the other. But my ENT is out of town until the end of January and even if I would switch ENT's in that office, it would be at least a month before they could work me into their surgery schedule. Plus, in my ENT's notes it only said sinus surgery was a possibility not a probability which is what I was told. So I am afraid I'm stuck on that. I am going to try and get back into the ENT office and see what they can do to get me some relief.

• Alex is really starting to show signs of feeling our stress. He is melting down right and left over everything all night long. We are looking into a support group for kids that I read about in a book I read, How To Help Your Children Cope With Your Cancer. In the book I learned a little bit of how to talk to him about what's going on. He has said some things that has let Jim and I know he is processing more than we think. We did talk him some tonight about all the phone calls and messages to and from doctors. We also told him that Mommy was sick and the doctors would help her get better and that Mommy would be ok. We will tell him more but it needs to be broken down so it isn't overwhelming to him. Also, we have to keep it to what's happening now. So we will wait to explain chemo and my hair loss until I start chemo.

• Jim is doing well. The more upset I or Alex get, the calmer and stronger he gets. I ask once in awhile and honestly he is doing fine.

• I am doing ok. Alex's meltdowns rip at my heart. I know he is just so filled with emotion that it explodes out. He doesn't know why or what he's feeling or what to do about it. I feel that talking about it to him will help and letting him talk about it when he wants will help as well.

Labels: cancer